


Prayers

by wing_span



Category: Supernatural
Genre: Castiel and Dean Winchester Need to Use Their Words, Castiel/Dean Winchester First Kiss, Episode Fix-It: s15e20 Carry On, Fluff, Fluff and Humor, Happy Ending, Idiots in Love, Love Confessions, M/M, Not Canon Compliant, POV Dean Winchester, there would definitely be a roadhouse wedding in the future here, though i guess that depends on what canon we're talking about
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2021-02-20
Updated: 2021-02-20
Packaged: 2021-03-16 17:56:06
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,314
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/29579907
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/wing_span/pseuds/wing_span
Summary: Dean does not say "I love you."Except when he does.Just a short, fluffy final season fix-it because of course Cas is saved and they now live happily ever after.
Relationships: Castiel/Dean Winchester
Comments: 4
Kudos: 82





	Prayers

Dean does not say „I love you”.

It’s not that he doesn’t _want_ to say it. He does. But he just – can’t. Never could, really.

He has said it to Sam, of course, but that’s different. They’re brothers, they grew up together and it’s just what you say to family.

But with others, no. Dean just can’t. The words simply won’t come out.

Even when Cas was standing there, pouring his heart out, Dean’s mouth couldn’t form the words, his voice couldn’t make a sound, even as his entire being wanted to scream his reciprocation.  
  


“I love you, too. So much. For so long. Every time I thought I lost you forever, it almost killed me. Every time you left without a simple goodbye, it hurt. And every time you came back, all the time we spent together, were the best moments of my entire life. I love you. I love you. Of course I love you. You are the best thing that I have in my life. I should have told you so long ago.”

The words were there. But he couldn’t get them out, even as the Darkness dragged Cas away.

So when they finally get Cas back from the Empty, living, breathing, _smiling_ in front of them, Dean steps in, cups the side of Cas’ head, and says –

“You can have me. Of course you can.”

He doesn’t care that he tears up, or that Jack and Sam are in the room. He needs Cas to know this at least, if he can’t say it.

Luckily, it seems to be enough. Seems to be the exact thing Cas wanted to hear because Cas is smiling one of the widest smiles Dean has ever seen on him, and then Dean moves in even closer and kisses him hard. Determined. Because this is it. Always has been.

He still doesn’t, can’t say it the days and weeks that follow afterwards. So he shows.

Takes Cas to the apiary he came across during the months Cas was away. Brings Cas PB&J sandwiches when he’s been holed up in the library for hours, lost in books. Makes him breakfast in the mornings. Holds him at night. Drives him to five different stores until Cas can finally decide on some new clothes. Lets him take a shower first. Suggests they move, find a house somewhere near the beach where they can live above ground, where Cas can have a garden, Jack can go to school and Sam can go back to college.

And Cas seems to understand. At least he doesn’t say anything or look at Dean in a funny way. So it works. For now.

They decide to move to California and soon find a house in a quiet neighborhood at a walking distance from the beach in a town where Sam can pick up his studies again.

Which means they have to start packing up in the bunker. It’s crazy how many things they suddenly seem to own, after years and years on the road with only the contents of two duffle bags and the Impala’s trunk. Still, slowly but surely, everything’s packed up in boxes.

Cas, Sam and Jack head out early to pick up the U-Haul van they’ve rented for the move while Dean does a final sweep of each room.

After about 30 minutes, his phone rings.

“There is a technical issue with the van we rented here in Smith Center. They don’t have any replacements left here, so we’ve got to pick a truck up from Philipsburg. We probably won’t be back for a while.” Cas sounds as matter-of-fact as always.

“Alright. Thanks for letting me know.” Dean’s eyes dance around the room.  
  


“I will text you when we are on our way back.”

“ ‘kay. Drive save. Love you.” The words are out of Dean’s mouth before he even knows what he is saying. He freezes.

Cas doesn’t seem surprised, however.

“I love you, too,” he replies, as if this is an exchange they have regularly. “See you soon.”  
  


Dean stares at the phone in his hands for several seconds after Cas hangs up. He bites his lip and drags a hand through his hair. This was _not_ how he wanted this to go. Cas had put so much thought and heart into his first “I love you”, he deserved the same. Better, even. Not a half-mumbled, half-sentence at the end of a phone call. Dean has to at least tell him that.

As soon as the others come back about one-and-a-half hours later, Dean grabs Cas by the wrist and pulls him into their bedroom.

Cas stands there, confusion evident on his face, but he doesn’t say anything. Just waits.

“Listen, I just wanted to tell you that – look, I’m sorry, ok, that this was the way I told you for the first time. I didn’t mean to – I mean, I meant it, of course, but I didn’t mean to say it _like that_ … I wanted the first time to be so much better, like what you said, you know, so, just – just know that, ok?” Dean rushes out.

Cas’ confusion only seems to grow, however.

“I am not sure what you are saying,” he states, tilting his head a little and squinting his eyes. “What did you want to say differently?”

Dean bites his lips and rolls his eyes, exasperated with himself. Just how could he make this so difficult?

“The… uh, the _thing_ I said earlier. When we ended our phone call,” he explains lamely and swallows.

Cas blinks.

“You mean when you said that you love me?” he clarifies, his voice neutral.

Heat rises in Dean’s cheeks and he just nods.

“Okay,” Cas says slowly. “But I don’t understand. What do you mean ‘you wanted to say it right the first time’? The first time on the phone?”

Now it’s Dean’s turn to blink.

“No, I mean the first time I say it _at all_.”

Cas frowns.

“But you’ve already said it so many times,” he replies, dumbfounded.

“What? No, I haven’t. I wanted to, yeah, but I couldn’t, which I – I _know_ you deserve to hear it all the time, ok? And I do feel that way, I just – it’s so hard for me to say it.” Dean desperately hopes Cas gets what he is saying and that he’s not making the whole situation worse right now.

Cas’ features smooth out, then, and his blue eyes fill with that kindness, that love and affection that Dean has never seen anywhere else, the kind that is only meant for him. Cas reaches out and weaves his fingers through Dean’s.

“You have not said it out loud until today, yes. But I have heard you. Every time you told me, I heard your prayer. From when I first told you when we were running from Billie. Which was the most beautiful thing anyone has ever told me, by the way.” Cas’ eyes turn even softer and he moves directly in front of Dean. “I’ve always heard you.”

Dean swallows again and nods. “Right.”

He doesn’t really know what to feel. Relief? Exasperation that he’d been agonizing over nothing? Happiness?

Of course Cas had heard him. Cas had always heard his prayers.

He also doesn’t know what to say, but once again, it seems that he doesn’t have to say anything. Cas places a loving, lingering kiss on his lips.

“We should go help Sam and Jack pack the truck. They’ll wonder where we are,” he says and runs a gentle finger down Dean’s face.

Dean nods, still a bit dazed, but then springs into action.

“Yeah, let’s go. Gotta go get our toes in the sand.”

And then, just because he can, he mentally adds “I love you. I can’t wait to start our new life together.”

Cas’ answering smile is all the confirmation he needs.


End file.
